Disclaimer: All pictures stolen from random tumblr accounts / google image search. All sources are keyboard mashing with ‘.com’ at the end. Journalistic integrity has been drowned with rage. Intelligence, nuance, and uniquity have been lost to vapidity.
10). Weather!
Haha, it’s so weather-y. People from the rest of Lamerica have no idea what it’s like to deal with snow/rain/heat/fog/seasons/ebola. Here in Dumbville we’re so hardy!
9). Food Joint!
Everyone in Dumbville looooooves Bill’s Roasted Garbage and Boiled Urine Daquiris, it’s so unique and the food is soooo good.
8). Townies!
Here in Dumbville we have the smartest/stupidest/weirdest/most passionate Townies. Like no other place on earth.
7). Sports!
Dumbville fans are THE BEST FANS EVAR! We bleed red, white, blue, black, gold, green, orange, purple, yellow, violet, lilac, taupe, mauve, purple mountains majesty, vivid tangerine, pink, yellow-green, cerulean, and crimson!
6). Alcohol!
Dumbvillians are the best drinkers. Here we can drink anyone under the table. And then set that table on fire. And then mix the ashes into an alcoholic solution. And then drink that solution.
5). Local Store!
Shit I Found on the Side of the Road is the bestest store ever. Nowhere else ON EARTH can you pick up local brands like Bedbugmattress and Wetarmchair.
4). Oh
3). My
2). God
1). Stop
Alexander Bauer, Author 