On BDSM (NSFW)

BDSM, if you don’t know, stands for Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism, and encompasses what post people know as “bondage” or “that 50 shades stuff.”  I did a pretty good “Intro To” piece a while back, which can be found here, but this time I want to focus more on my own personal approach.

I grew up fantasizing about rope from an early age, keying in on the tied-up damsel in distress scenes from cartoons.  It has been present in my mind for as long as any other aspect of my sexuality has.  I started tying myself up before I even started masturbating (and amusingly, my first orgasm came as a complete surprise while doing so) at the age of thirteen or fourteen.  A year or two later I searched for “girls being tied up” on the internet and finally put a name to these feelings.

There has never been a greater pleasure within BDSM than rope for me and thus there has never been a greater inspiration for my own take on rope bondage than former Hogtied.com, current Sexually Broken rigger Matt Williams.  Matt is a tremendously skilled Dom and rigger and, with that, the embodiment of BDSM’s credo “safe, sane, and consensual.”  If you’ve watched Kink.com’s (who owns Hogtied) Behind Kink documentary shorts, you’ve seen Matt stop shoots out of concern for the safety, well being, and enjoyment of the model.  BDSM is a two way street, regardless of what’s going on and the submissive should be enjoying things (in some sense) as much as the Dom is.

Matt is, like I am, an incredibly respectful guy with feminist inclinations that likes tying girls up, sexually torturing them, and fucking them like they were put on the earth for the sole purpose of cock pleasing.  It sounds contradictory, but it isn’t.  Feminism isn’t (and never was) about some idealist archetype of a woman.  Feminism is about choice.  And some women choose to be sluts, slaves, cum dumpsters, and toys to be manhandled, beaten, and penetrated.

Tying someone up is equal parts art and engineering.  There is the functional component, that which effectively restrains the person, that avoids being too tight, that doesn’t pinch nerve endings, that (if necessary) is supportive of a suspended or unnaturally bent limb, and there is the artistic component, that accentuates the features of the tied subject, that bends them in amusing or pleasing ways.  That puts them in a position to be teased and fucked while they can do nothing about it.  Maybe that last one is both.

I, coincidentally enough, am an artist and an engineer.  Or more accurately a man with an engineering degree who writes for a living.  I’ve been schooled to build bridges, and while the human body isn’t quite that, a decent knowledge of human anatomy coupled with knowing how to adequately anchor and support beams and trusses makes me intuitively skilled with rope.

The dirtiest little secret of my bondage escapades is that I’m not particularly schooled on the rope aspect.  I don’t know a hundred different knots, and I can’t whip up an exquisite shibari tie off the top of my head.  I can, however, look at a picture of a tied model and figure out exactly how it was done.  Even better, I can look at a picture of a tied model and immediately figure out how do to the tie better.  I did that just a week ago in fact with a photo of a box tie that 1). I felt was irritatingly sloppy and 2). contained some breast bondage i had no use for.  I’m like Mozart, but with rope and fucking.

Of course, restraint is only half the fun, the other half being what to do with your restrained subject.  I am a devious sadist, but not in the way you think.  True I do have a rope flogger and a cane and hundreds of clothespins, but pain is such a crude method of torturing someone.  I’d rather take the Hitachi vibrator that we have, push it firmly against a restrained girl’s clit and use it to slowly make her come unraveled, to make her drip with arousal and see how long I can keep her teetering on the precipice of being so close to cumming, but unable to do so because I won’t allow it.  I like to see the whimpers that started for my benefit become genuine and desperate.  I like rolled back eyes and bit lips.  I like to convey that there are some things worse than pain.

I like to be selfish too.  I like fucking and blowjobs and swallowed cum, but those things are expected and therefore boring.  On to the questions:

Do you have any pictures of your work?

I do, for my own enjoyment, but the people I’ve tied up and will tie up are not models who do this for a living or for self-exposure.  They are people who are very dear to me and thus their privacy is very dear to me as well.  There may be some things I can make semi-public, but I will make no promises.

I may post a few basic tutorials of things done on myself, but I’ve had trouble in the past getting those to stay up on YouTube.  Buncha fucking prudes.

What are the best and worst ties you’ve done?  What are your favorite and least favorite ties?

I was rather proud of a box tie I did a week and a half ago as I’d never done it before and was winging it the entire time.  The finished product looked like this, though I used thicker rope and it was a bit bulkier in back:

Box ties are great because they’re very comfortable and good for longevity.  The ropes around that model’s wrists aren’t very tight and the ropes around her upper arms don’t need to be nearly as tight as they are in that photo.

The worst ties I’ve done are all half-ties as I can tell pretty quickly when something isn’t going to work.  There was a strappado position I did that I had to stop almost immediately because the anchoring was poor and the subject was clearly not comfortable with it although they were refusing to use their safeword.

I tied a girl to a chair not long ago, which ended up being really fun, but I tied each limb twice individually and tied one rope around her waist.  Four limbs times two ties plus one extra (nine ties in all) times three to five minutes of time per tie is a loooot of prep-time.  I will figure out how to shorten that for next time.

As far as favorite ties, I really like hogties aesthetically from a pure rope standpoint, but they make fucking really difficult.  I’m a big fan of simple wrist and elbow cinches because there’s a lot of versatility there.  My least favorite ties probably involve breast bondage, something that works really well when you’ve got a porn star with super firm DD breasts and not so well with a person of less extreme proportions.

What are the basics for rope bondage?  What are the biggest mistakes?

Learn basic anatomy, learn where not to put tight rope.  Learn how to do a basic lark’s head knot and simple column ties.  The biggest mistake you can make is hurting someone.  Know what you’re doing and pay attention.  If something goes numb or starts to look bad (red or purple), you need to stop or adjust.  Make sure your subject is telling you what’s up.

You also need to be able to control yourself.  If you can’t, you have no business controlling another person.

What sort of rope do you buy?

Cheap stuff from Home Depot or Tractor Supply.  It’s not the softest material, but it works well enough.  I would like to get some more comfortable rope at some point though.

Do you feel that using a ‘contract’ to go over the details of the relationship works better than just discussing hard and soft limits? Do you feel contracts lessen the bond between the Dom and the sub?

For some.  BDSM is a highly variable thing that can differ widely from person to person or couple to couple.  I find the concept of a contract to be rather hot, but I find it to be unnecessary or even tedious in practice.  I’m very laid back and exercising that much control over someone is not enjoyable to me.  When I’m done using someone, I’d much rather do something else, eat dinner, watch a movie, than worry about any sort of protocol.

Again, for me, the draw is in exploring someone.  I don’t do a whole lot of discussion beforehand outside of limits, things a person absolutely will not do, things that make them uncomfortable or nervous, and physical issues that may come into play with particularly stringent ties.

What are some good humiliation ideas?

Humiliation is tricky because it’s so personal.  (That’s part of the fun.)  For example, if you wanted me to show you my dick, that would not bother me in the slightest.  Do you want to see my dick?  Next pic…just kidding.

I think humiliation tends to fall into categories:

  • Things one wouldn’t normally do, but can be coerced into doing like cum eating, facials, or begging to cum.
  • Things that are degrading like cum eating, facials, eating food off a plate on the floor, kneeling, bowing, or kissing feet.
  • Things that highlight the submissive as inferior (within the context of the scene) like following pretty much every order, public play, uniforms, or nudity.

What you do and how far you go with it depends on you and the other person.

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About Alex

I am awesome.

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